The Bloor-Danforth Block Battle of 2017.

Startup Stock Photos

It was a cold Fall day when SCRIBE put out its call to arms. Superheroes were needed to protect the City of Toronto from the Block’s dire aims.

Many would ignore the call, or be unable to heed it, but a brave nine gathered together, lead by the fearsome Vine and the Speed Reader. Intelligence gathered the day before had lead the squad to the TTC’s Subway–Line 2.

From St. George to Kennedy and back again, the team rode until finally they spotted a distinctive silhouette lurking on the platform. It was a woman wearing pirate’s garb, her curly black hair sneaking from below a skull-and-crossbones hat, a stuffed parrot affixed firmly to one of her shoulders. She was attaching something to one of the pillars in the subway.

“Stop!” The Vine shouted, leading the team off the platform, her sidekick hopping along beside her.

The Plagiarism Pirate turned slowly to face the superheroes, peeling off an eye patch as she took in the nine of them. “Hello. Is it me you’re looking for?”

“It is!” The Speed Reader said. “Stop what you’re doing there.”

“There’s no need for creative violence. Surrender peacefully, and we’ll go easy on you!” The Vine ordered.

The Pirate snorted, and thumbed her nose at them. “Never despair. Never surrender.”

“We…we don’t want you to despair!” Mistress Optimism protested. “Just surrender, please.”

The Plagiarism Pirate dusted off her shoulders, straightened her jacket, and then launched into a monologue. “[[Redacted due to the length of the copyrighted material]]”

The Plagiarism Pirate’s blatant disregard for copyright so dismayed Mistress Optimism that she was downed first, rendered completely ineffective.

The other superheroes fired up their laptops, removed pen caps, and opened notepads. “Let’s get her!” The Vine shouted.

The battle was fast and furious. RehĂ©la’s perfectly accented dialogue sent the Pirate into a tizzy. O cha cha had the Pirate doing the Cha Cha Slide along with the characters in O cha cha’s novel.

Meanwhile, Ion revved up with a fast-paced scene, and also used the ability to manipulate magnetism to unhook the Pirate’s device from the platform pillar, and remove the metallic box from play.

The Pirate screeched and shouted, “[[More material redacted due to copyright.]]”

Agent Panter and Morpheus both added their words to the battle. Bunnyhero fired off 2402, but then snatched back a “the” and attached it to his moniker. “I am the bunnyhero,” the bunnyhero said, his voice unnaturally deep.

“But why so serious?” the Plagiarism Pirate asked.

The Vine and the Speed Reader’s words added to the already impressive creative output, and the Pirate staggered and then screeched. “Nooooooooooo!” She hollered as she collapsed to her knees, falling beneath the weight of all that creativity.

The superheroes cheered and high-fived. Mistress Optimism shook off the effects of the Pirate’s illegal activity, and added her own praise to the celebration.

***

Hurrah! Huzzah! Sadly, the TTC’s subway lines will still experience some closures over the next few weekends, so be sure to check their site if you need to travel downtown!